Being Next and Making a Leap.

A couple of weeks ago Moon's brother got engaged to his long term girlfriend. I'm happy for them but I guess there are a few things that make it strange for me - not in an out of turn way and not at all in a bitchy way like that first part makes it sound.

Knowing Moon's brother from when he was 15 and seeing him grow into the 23 year-old man he's become, particularly seeing him make such a huge 'grown up' step is quite strange to watch. I don't mean that in the sense that he shouldn't be doing it, I guess it's more of a self-conscious thing about someone younger doing something before me, it's like when you find out an actor or singer are 18 and you look at your own life and wonder what you've accomplished.
Before you go there, I'm not the kind of person to make comparisons like this really, although I know it's only human, I also think it's weak as hell and comparing myself to others by way of caring what other people think has never really been my bag. I'm more likely to get anxious over something I've done rather than something I haven't.

Do people in long-term post-teen relationships feel like they're missing out?

I often wonder whether people in long-term puppy-love relationships such as mine, who haven't 'made that step' feel like they're missing out on something. When Moon and I first got together, I was 16, if you'd have told me almost 8 and a half years down the line that we'd still be together, I reckon 16 year-old me would expect to have had a wedding and at least be on to planning on having a baby by now, 25 seems so old when you're that age.
Now that I am 25, I see that it's not old at all, there are so many things that I've yet to achieve, not from lack of experience or desire but just because I'm not ready. It's not something that's easy to explain because not being ready for something is so subjective but I'm not ready to jet off round the world or buy a house or have a baby or get engaged. I want those things at some point in the future, but I don't want them now, I'm still getting over figuring the day-to-day stuff out.

I figured that with the news of Moon's brother's engagement travelling around his family that questions about our relationship would arise. Moon and I have been together for over double the time they have, and that's not a 'big I am', it's just how time works. Being realistic, in the same timescale Moon and I were 20 years old by that point in our relationship and still at university, were we really ready for anything at that stage? Now we're 8 years in and I don't see myself with anyone else, I see myself buying a house with him and setting up a real home, we'll worry about weddings later.

We've never even been to a wedding together before.

Out of our close-knit (and wonderful) group of 10 friends, we are one of four couples and even the couple that seems to be at a wedding together every other week don't seem like they're going to be putting a ring on it anytime soon. As stupid as it sounds, peer pressure is a thing and there just isn't any here. Our friends in couples are long term and happy, just like us but don't seem to be ready either. Maybe it's our generation, maybe (hopefully not) they're being courteous to the fact Moon and I have been together the longest and therefore should 'go first' but, and this is probably going to be my canned response if I end up having this talk with Moon's Nana, it is what it is and we're happy so everything else can come after.

In the last two years, venturing outside of my 'peer group', I've seen a couple who aren't married but have been together for 25 years with a mortgage, a cat and no TV while on the flip-side, I've met a lady who was married by the time she was my age, separated before giving birth to their first child and divorced before she turned 30.
It would be a very boring place if we all did things in a regimented way at the same time, as I grow (and I always feel like I am doing just that), the differences I see never fail to amaze me.

Admittedly, I would be sad if I didn't see a ring on my finger in the future, it's silly, sentimental, girly and not really me but it's true. Put it this way, I'm not actually sad right now and I'm not in a rush. I feel like with each year we're happier and more comfortable with each other and we're just so lucky to have each other - sometimes I could burst - it comes down to each to their own.

Beaky interference and the stress that comes with comparison is tricky but all we can do is continue to celebrate life events in our family, and I'm happy for Moon's brother and his new fiancé.

Alone Time.

[x]
I've spent all day by myself, and that's not really a bad thing, you know?

As I waved Moon off this morning for a trip down to Devon to visit his Gran, I actually felt a little excited at the prospect of having the little flat to myself for the whole day and night, this has never happened before.

I actually usually hate it when we're apart - especially if I'm alone. I get nervous about doing basic things that otherwise wouldn't be a problem and spending the night in the flat as I have done a couple of times before has not been great. I love having the bed to myself, I'm a starfish sleeper, but not having Moon there does make the bed feel a little empty - tonight, I'm embracing it, I even changed the sheets to mark the occasion, it's going to be the best sleep!

The thing is, we're actually kind of always together. I don't care about that at all, I love Moon, he's my best friend, he's kind and funny and everyone should have somebody like him in their life, but some time apart can only refresh that feeling.

With a list of chores to do and a few things I wanted to sort out it's actually not so bad not having someone to distract you. I relish in getting on with things and ticking things off my to-do list, and I almost forget that I don't mind being alone really.

More important than enjoying my own company, Moon being away means I can choose when to have the TV on (it's an almost constant battle), what to watch and most important of all, when to eat – it's 8:35pm and I'm only just starting to think about what to have for dinner. I don't care about compromise, because obviously it's not always a compromise, we enjoy each others company and have a lot of things in common, I doubt we would have been together for seven years if we hadn't, but it's pretty brilliant to just do things my way all day. I hope I remember this next time so I don't get so anxious about it just being me and the cat for a bit.

NYResolutions.

My 2010 is going quite well so far.
My New Year's Eve was lovely, I watched Where the Wild Things are - which I didn't actually think much of - and Paper Heart - which was so lovely, I nearly cried. Moon and I cooked a delicious meal, with a beginning, middle and end, and once we'd watched Top of the Pops, Eastenders and the movies, we watched the fireworks in London on TV, Jools Holland's Hootenanny and some funny things online before heading outside to play with sparklers - which look disgusting once they cool down.
We also drank two bottles of Bucks Fizz - I wish we'd had more. It was so nice to be soppy, lazy and coupley.

Yesterday, we had smoked salmon and scrambled egg on toast for breakfast and headed up to London where we went to the National Portrait Gallery and Chinatown for dimsum and purikura. Then we tottered over to Hyde Park for Winter Wonderland. We went to Zippo's Circus, which had underlying racist connotations, and we went on Capital FM's big wheel - which was like a down-sized London Eye and was so nice because it was dark by then and everything was all lit up, it was lovely. You can even see the London Eye from it. ♥
It was freezing, but romantic. It's the last time we'll be doing anything like this until nearly February. I feel so in love ♥. I think that's definitely the best way to start off a new year.

Here are my New Years Resolutions:
1. Attempt to stop biting my nails.
2. Stop becoming lazy half-way into a project.
3. Stop taking the easier option.
4. Take more actual time out to read for uni.
5. Be softer and have a bit more patience.
6. Be better at time management and keep up to date.
7. Make more of an effort with course people.
8. Stop spending so much money on clothes - perhaps think about giving some away to charity.
9. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week and walk faster.
10. Write as much as possible.

I don't think this counts as one but I want to rearrange my room. I think it's time for a change so we can be warmer and less on view to everyone.
I refuse to put 'stop being judgmental' on this, because I like being this way. I'm also not worrying about drinking either.
Photographs coming soon, but I thought resolutions were an irrelevant thing to get out of the way. I think they're doable/keepable.

I am going to keep more of a record of the things I achieve this year.

Ho ho ho.

Edward and his girlfriend broke up, I have nothing to say about it.
It's good though, it means he can get on with finding someone better and that I can delete her from Facebook.
It's not done that you cheat on someone for nearly the entirety of a relationship, then break up with them, miss them for 2 months and get back with them, be okay for a while, then miss them when they go on holiday FOR A WEEK, only to finally break up with them 4 days later with just a week to go until their birthday. NOT just their "birthday" but their 18th birthday.
My 18th birthday was the best day of my life. She's ruined that opportunity, you never know though, he may end up realising the brilliance of what has happened.

On a more work related note, these are my 5 entries for the Jessops Summer Photography Competition, unedited.






This looks neat, but I can't remember the story of Fantastic Mr Fox from the book. Still, probably something to see, when it comes out in October.