No, no, urgh.

I so currently feel like this, life would definitely be easier if I were a cat.
I don't think that I wish for that many unattainable things in my life. I just want somewhere nice to live and to be happy and able to go wherever I want, whenever I want. If only it were five years ago, when things were a bit better for graduates, and not so impossible.




Moon and I went house hunting in Newbury today, and most of the day was like this:

It seems like everything at the moment involves some kind of chase, house hunting is even worse than job hunting because they totally out and out reject you, literally on the basis of nothing and even when you haven't seen a property. But the likelihood of things moving forward from the point we're currently at is seeming less and less realistic, so maybe April won't be as big a month as I thought.

I'm already nervous so this news hasn't really added much to my general disposition, I'm just a bit cross and feel like an idiot for just thinking that maybe things wouldn't actually be so difficult for once. < / urgh >

One day I'm going to be really good at this.

Eventually, I'll actually stop taking 'mirror' photos of what I've worn, it looks so rubbish. However, due to being a Photography graduate and having studied all sorts of photographic genre's, I could probably whip something up about mirrors, wardrobes and clothing pretty quickly if it was required of me.

I was going to post these and a bunch of others at the end of the week, but I need to unwind a bit after a slightly frustrating day. I really, really should start wearing shoes in these.

06 September 2011:
Cardigan: H&M
Shirt: H&M
Scarf: Primark
Dress: Etsy
Tights: Marks & Spencer.
Going to London Bridge to have some lunch (I also wore lipstick for the first time today, like a grown-up).


07 September 2011
Cardigan: H&M
Shirt: Etsy
Belt: eBay
Skirt: Dorothy Perkins
Tights: Marks & Spencer
Sign-up interview on Oxford Street and signing on at the Job Centre (but not really the second one).


I bought this shirt to take the postage and packaging cost down for the dress (above) as they're from the same seller on Etsy, but I think I actually love it. Especially in this combo, it's so bright and happy.
I've been having a pretty busy week so far, I went to have lunch with Moon and my old friend Tom in London Bridge yesterday and today I had both a sign-up interview with a Digital Media Agency and I went to the Job Centre to file a reclaim for Jobseeker's Allowance.

Yesterday was great, it's always nice to see old friends because things are rarely different and usually just easy. We had a nice lunch at a pub opposite Borough Market. Moon had an interview around London Bridge and that's where Tom works too, I had nothing to do so I just tagged along. Moon got the job by all accounts but it turned out to be quite demeaning and rather insulting when you consider that he is already a graduate and soon to finish a Masters degree, so he left during the trial this morning.

Today was a bit different. The sign-up interview went well I think, but I need to do a bit of research into Digital Media Planning/Buying to be considered a more serious applicant. It seems quite promising though and the roles that are potentially on offer are intriguing so I think I could definitely get into it.
After that I had a quick wander into Urban Outfitters and Topshop, it would appear that my more thrify lifestyle has meant that I've ignored these shops for a while and I don't think that it has actually made a difference, I saw nothing new or exciting. Which is not only quite good because it means that I get to keep some money in my purse, but it also doesn't really matter because I'm actually quite liking my wardrobe at the moment, especially since I've been losing weight. I did see a dinosaur t-shirt though that I could have gone for, but not for £20, sorry.

< prepare for a rant about the job centre >
Then I headed over to the jolly old Job Centre Plus. I officially hate it! It is such an uninspiring place, the people that work there are horrible and rude and nothing is on time as it should be. I arrived five minutes early but still had to wait 20 minutes, and I can bet that had I arrived 25 minutes late, I would have got it in the neck, it's idiotic. The whole process didn't take very long though because I was only making a reclaim but I'm dreading follow-up meeting on Monday. Basically being on Jobseeker's Allowance means using DirectGov (which is a terrible website most of the time) to search for jobs more often than searching for jobs through other platforms, you also need to put aside unrealistic (but not actually unrealistic) goals in order to be in work but unhappy for the rest of your life, just like the people who actually work in the Job Centre.

Second point on the 'Jobseeker's must' list:
- Have reasonable chance of finding work if you limit:

the kind of work you are willing to do.

where you are willing to work

the hours you are willing to work

So I may have potentially sold my soul for £50 a week, but maybe something will come up instantly and I can just leave it. I've sought out nearly 30 jobs to apply for this week, so something should come up soon. I do feel a bit more stable now that I'm signing-on in a way as it means I won't have to ask my Mum for things like train fare, but I'm not a fan of the bureaucracy that I already appear to be a part of despite the fact that I'm doing nothing much different than I would have been doing before, but I'm now reporting to someone... urgh. < / rant >

Job Hunt: Day 103329

I officially finished University on Friday 3rd June 2011, no more academic stuff, no more forced creativity, no anything. I was thrown out in to the big wide world without a scratch of real advice.

Okay, sure, they brought in some past-students who had either branched out or stayed in Portsmouth, but hardly anyone is really going to reveal the secrets of their success, we're the new blood, and we're competition. Perhaps that is a cynical way to look at things, but that seems to be the vibe that I have received from most professional photographers that I have encountered recently, but maybe I've just been unlucky.

The point is, I have maybe been applying for jobs seriously for around a month now with almost no success. More to the point is that I have been searching casually since the beginning of my final year, last September. I suppose in one way I have been lucky, I have covered one event through freelancing, and worked with the NUJ (which was great and so much fun) and I was asked to return to the Village Voice. In terms of experience I may not be top of the ladder, but I've had some. So why won't anybody recognise how nice or how professional I am?

I'm blaming the Digital Age. Every job that I have applied for that has been within my degree's discipline has been applied for online, via e-mail. No one ever really realises how impersonal e-mails are until their thrown into the job market post-degree. It must be all about luck, these companies must pick names out of a hat and decide who's e-mail to read that month. But then maybe I'm not as good or as qualified as I think I am, or the competition of Arts graduates seriously is as fierce as it's made out to be.

The worst thing about this entire process so far is the lack of response, the blatant rudeness of simply not bothering to correspond. I recognise that there may be some companies that I have submitted an application to that get hundreds, maybe thousands of e-mails a day, but even an automated e-mail would be nice. I have only encountered one company that promised to get back to me whether I was successful or unsuccessful, and hats off to you, ASOS.
It's the rudeness that gets me, if someone was trying to talk to you in real life, standing right by your face, you wouldn't just ignore them or walk away, that would be rude, but online, it's perfectly acceptable behaviour, apparently.

Then there's the nearly-jobs. Perhaps they're worse, you get a response, finally and it's great, but then you must some how mess it up, because they'll never get back to you after that. What did I do to make you suddenly become so uninterested when you were clearly interested before? I've actually become excited over these e-mails, thinking they were the ticket, then days pass by and you realise that you've messed up again. I feel like ending every application letter with, 'No? Okay'. Follow-up emails are also a waste of time, particularly to whatever e-mail addresses they provide you with at Reed. I've got a whole load of pent-up resentment for Reed.

Maybe I need to just get out into the real world, maybe I'm just feeling hella bitter today because I'll have officially graduated by the end of Friday and I will be no better off.
To be honest, I'm probably angry and frustrated on a personal level really, I've found out Moon is sick and like I said Graduation is close so I'm feeling pretty bad for how selfish I'm feeling. I think I'm just having a bitter day, but that's why blogs are good, because otherwise I'd be screaming at someone, just another example of how impersonal the Internet is, with creeps you don't even know reading about your life and stress. I hope some other sad, Arts graduate reads this and agrees at least, job hunting sucks.

TL;DR: I'm mad over my current job hunt, ok?

On a lighter note, if there really are some proper creeps out there, although I know that really it's mainly people I know that read this. I graduate at 2:30pm on Friday 15th July and because the University of Portsmouth is so technologically hip, you can stream it from here, so you can watch me fall flat on my face from the nerves I'm battling with over wearing heals in front of so many people..

Dear Topshop,

There is no way I could pull any of this off, put some nice things in-store soon please, you have been a very big disappointment recently and you are too expensive as it is.

In addition to the way I currently feel about you, there is a very interesting article from Mint Magazine that I'm inclined to agree with. In the recent BBC film, 'Worried about the Boy', there's a scene where they bitch and whine that Topshop stole 'New Romantic' because they even sell skull/pirate t-shirts there. Maybe Topshop does ruin things a little bit, but I would be inclined to think that the article I've mentioned is more about mass-consumerism and lack of personality rather than an actual attack on Topshop were Topshop to actually give me some decent clothes to buy, so I can fit in, obviously.