Crashing and burning.

At least my writing skills are up to scratch, because I'm fairly certain that's the only aspect of the interview I've just returned from that was a success. I've bought a custard crown to console myself, I've never had a worse interview. I already know the response/lack of.
"Ruth is a nice girl, who will be a great success in her life, but she's just not what we're looking for." The interview was through a customer at my mum's restaurant, it's so embarrassing.
It's fairly obvious why in terms of this role (a costs administrator), but it really is the story of my life for the last four months. I was told in this interview that were I to be going for a photography role, I would get it because my experience is awesome, I felt like blurting out, 'WELL THAT ISN'T THE CASE IS IT?!', but I wish it was...

The thing is, I am looking forward to being a picture desk intern, I really am, I can't think of any job that I have applied for that's come up that I've wanted more and I'm so happy I seem to have got it. However, the fact of the matter is, I need to sustain myself financially too and working for expenses isn't going to cut it forever. I'm seriously banking on this being a whirlwind and worthwhile experience.

"Over-qualified photographer and all-round nice girl seeks run-of-the-mill job to buy Christmas presents for family and justify buying an iPad."

My last attempt at freelancing is placing my new (and sexy) business cards on Supermarket noticeboards. I need to go to a networking event, I'm definitely over being intimidated.

Job Hunt: Day 103329

I officially finished University on Friday 3rd June 2011, no more academic stuff, no more forced creativity, no anything. I was thrown out in to the big wide world without a scratch of real advice.

Okay, sure, they brought in some past-students who had either branched out or stayed in Portsmouth, but hardly anyone is really going to reveal the secrets of their success, we're the new blood, and we're competition. Perhaps that is a cynical way to look at things, but that seems to be the vibe that I have received from most professional photographers that I have encountered recently, but maybe I've just been unlucky.

The point is, I have maybe been applying for jobs seriously for around a month now with almost no success. More to the point is that I have been searching casually since the beginning of my final year, last September. I suppose in one way I have been lucky, I have covered one event through freelancing, and worked with the NUJ (which was great and so much fun) and I was asked to return to the Village Voice. In terms of experience I may not be top of the ladder, but I've had some. So why won't anybody recognise how nice or how professional I am?

I'm blaming the Digital Age. Every job that I have applied for that has been within my degree's discipline has been applied for online, via e-mail. No one ever really realises how impersonal e-mails are until their thrown into the job market post-degree. It must be all about luck, these companies must pick names out of a hat and decide who's e-mail to read that month. But then maybe I'm not as good or as qualified as I think I am, or the competition of Arts graduates seriously is as fierce as it's made out to be.

The worst thing about this entire process so far is the lack of response, the blatant rudeness of simply not bothering to correspond. I recognise that there may be some companies that I have submitted an application to that get hundreds, maybe thousands of e-mails a day, but even an automated e-mail would be nice. I have only encountered one company that promised to get back to me whether I was successful or unsuccessful, and hats off to you, ASOS.
It's the rudeness that gets me, if someone was trying to talk to you in real life, standing right by your face, you wouldn't just ignore them or walk away, that would be rude, but online, it's perfectly acceptable behaviour, apparently.

Then there's the nearly-jobs. Perhaps they're worse, you get a response, finally and it's great, but then you must some how mess it up, because they'll never get back to you after that. What did I do to make you suddenly become so uninterested when you were clearly interested before? I've actually become excited over these e-mails, thinking they were the ticket, then days pass by and you realise that you've messed up again. I feel like ending every application letter with, 'No? Okay'. Follow-up emails are also a waste of time, particularly to whatever e-mail addresses they provide you with at Reed. I've got a whole load of pent-up resentment for Reed.

Maybe I need to just get out into the real world, maybe I'm just feeling hella bitter today because I'll have officially graduated by the end of Friday and I will be no better off.
To be honest, I'm probably angry and frustrated on a personal level really, I've found out Moon is sick and like I said Graduation is close so I'm feeling pretty bad for how selfish I'm feeling. I think I'm just having a bitter day, but that's why blogs are good, because otherwise I'd be screaming at someone, just another example of how impersonal the Internet is, with creeps you don't even know reading about your life and stress. I hope some other sad, Arts graduate reads this and agrees at least, job hunting sucks.

TL;DR: I'm mad over my current job hunt, ok?

On a lighter note, if there really are some proper creeps out there, although I know that really it's mainly people I know that read this. I graduate at 2:30pm on Friday 15th July and because the University of Portsmouth is so technologically hip, you can stream it from here, so you can watch me fall flat on my face from the nerves I'm battling with over wearing heals in front of so many people..

Jocelyn Allen.

Oh, hi another photographer who I'm really jealous of and want to be. Please do even more simple yet brilliant work to make me feel even worse about myself.
Seriously though, this girl is great. I hope I'm in her position this time next year. I like her Body Image series, it's much less obvious than similar projects I've seen.

© Jocelyn Allen.
Tumblr.
Wordpress.
via theprintspace Blog.

I've spent nearly all afternoon doing dissertation corrections — at least it's done now and good enough to hand in even if I don't add any more to it. I think if I distance myself from it a bit, I could write something really great.
I'm doing my 'Where are your parents from?' portrait tonight, I don't think it will be as good/the same as the others. I might get Moon to take some after I've tried out the new tripod I bought (specifically for these few photos).

Liberian Graffiti.

I've written nearly a page and a very clear plan. I don't know how I did the proposal in the first place, it feels like so long ago, I think I need to re-engage myself with the subject. I think Tim Hetherington will help me, even if I will really only be writing about him rather than drawing out how he inspires me.
I really like how this is put together.

I didn't realise that he also shot "Liberia: An Untold Story", although it would make sense, seeing as the images in his book are almost identical to shots from the film. I find it odd that there are so few photographers that appear to be interested in this subject. I find it more strange, although understandable, that there are no Liberians talking about the problems with the country. I feel like my dissertation needs to attempt to show both sides.

I actually feel like part of my brain is missing - where has my ability to just write gone?

Martin Usborne makes me love dogs.

Doesn't matter than he is 'big' because he was in the Taylor-Wessing Portrait Prize for a serious person portrait, his photos of dogs are the best.
This is from a series called, "Life as a dog in the recession".

© Martin Usborne

His latest project, "MUTE: the silence of dogs in cars" is at theprintspace gallery from 21st October until 9th November.

© Martin Usborne via theprintspace Blog

Carol Vargas.

This is so awesome.

© Carol Vargas, 2010. via Mint Magazine

Carol Vargas also has an awesome series on her Flickr called 'Legs in the Air' but I like this 'Noah's Ark - Animal's Meeting' set the best because it's pretty inspiring in relation to my 'in my head' dressing up box project that I might possibly do next semester.
Although finding stuff like this just affirms the fact that creatively, I am almost completely unoriginal, even if I find the photos after my own idea.
I like her photos anyway; http://www.flickr.com/photos/carolinevargas/

I also found this at Mint Magazine, made me laugh out loud, it's kind of funny how these are just suddenly trendy, but it makes me feel mega-cool for having one this time last year and it wasn't even from kigu.co.uk, amateurs.

DON'T SAY CHEESE.

© Thomas Ruff

I cannot believe Thomas Ruff was in Vice, so they're helping me with my set-brief project and my dissertation, thanks Vice.
I really like the aesthetics of his portraits and I love that he makes them massive.

A series called "Breakfast".

This could be an interesting idea to look at, I really want to get some cool fabrics from Ikea to make some neat backdrops.

I think I would quite like to try avocado, it intrigues me.

© Jon Huck, 2007.

I also really like his project, "Couples", it's like a neat guessing game, they have features like this in magazines all the time, it might be a good starting point for my second self-led project, but that's ages away.
I've still got to get the half-Chinese one done, it should be fun, I just have to get some responses as I've only got 5 confirmed subjects so far despite having such a relatively large response initially.... I think it will get easier when it gets closer and I can be better at organising things.

Vice/Creators Fail.

It is a fail on my part too though; after having to send my address to them and them knowing that I am to receive 5 tickets for the Creators Project before they even had the first draw for the London exhibition last month, they have now sent me an email saying my name is on the door for Saturday. Oh, well that's great but someone else can have them then, I can't go, don't want to go (lie) and you are quite poorly organised. I guess guestlist might mean something important but I hope it doesn't.

I guess it doesn't bother me too much anyway because I don't look like this;

© Richard Kern via www.RichardKern.com

...so I'm not entirely sure I would fit in and as I would have most likely been on my own, that is kind of a big deal.

I also have no comfortable shoes with me at the moment, my feet are so sad. This will not help me tomorrow either.

I don't think I've mentioned that Moon won some tickets to Guilfest, so I do get to go after all, not that I think I ever said I was dying about going anyway, but it's always good fun and if it does turn out that Moon was scammed by some 65DOS faker, we can walk round Guildford instead - this is no comparison btw. I am worried I will be disappointed by it because at Glasto I was walking around comparing - with Guilfest being the only other festival I'd been to before - and it's hardly surprising who came out on top. Guilfest is more expensive in nearly every single away apart from admission price, in any case I will probably still have a fun time and if I don't - because it's obviously going to rain - then at least I can come home to a nice hot shower and a nice warm bed.

Here are a few of my favs from previous Guilfests; I will now have been four years in a row, even if we're only going for the day tomorrow.

© Ruth Johnston 2010.

Valerie Hallier; Immortals.

Immortals is a photographic project by Valerie Hallier that comments on both consumerism and wastefulness by documenting basically everything she has owned over the past 10 years. Because of the way it's presented, we relate a lot of the objects back to ourselves and are perhaps forced to asked whether we really need so much stuff.
I wish I could get to see this in real life at some point, it's so neat.

© Valerie Hallier via Recovering Lazyholic

Float your own boat.

Moon and I went to have a look at the graduate exhibitions currently showing in the Eldon Building in Portsmouth. Naturally it was all a trip mainly to look at how the Photography graduate's work turned out, it's all to such a high standard, I don't know how we're going to pull it off this time next year, but then I guess that's why they're graduating this year and we've only just finished our second year. The amount of bickering that took place for the last exhibition was unbelievable, hopefully people will be better at settling their differences next time around.
The Photography degree show is called 'Wide Eyes', like I mentioned I think a serious amount of skill went into producing these images and the exhibition really comes together despite the diverse amount of subject matter on show. I went ahead and bought the catalogue and everything. One criticism I would have would be the layout of the show as it's weirdly spread all around the building and some of the work is really far apart, but it's not really the fault of the graduates as it probably was the best that they could work with, the only reason I am mentioning it is that due to the odd layout, some of the work is quite easy to miss if you're idly walking around and not completely paying attention.

This is the inside of the catalogue, I didn't actually take any photographs of the show, not for any particular reason, I was just too busy looking to really think about it. This piece by Adam Gilbert-Anderson was probably my favourite of the show, the way it was displayed was also how I hope to display one of my major projects next year, so it was a big help. The image below also got featured as a commended image on theprintspace gallery's monthly competition, I think the whole piece was really effective, particularly the ticking clock, it actually drove Moon mad. The video piece can be found on his blog along with other work, which is also really interesting.

There really are some great storytellers among this lot, a pretty useful tool to have if you want to more than a photographer's assistant.

© Faye Wears

This is another piece that I really liked, the lines you see are light trails of planes, very interesting, also, I found the below video today and it kind of reminded me of it, two more examples of simple ideas working well.

Flight Patterns, © Charlie McCarthy via Public School

I might see if I can get to the show in London to see how it differs from the one here, the photographs are great so with a better exhibition layout they could look even better.

I also saw this suitcase of tea as part of the Collective exhibition also on at Eldon, the other pieces are really interesting, once again, I wish I'd photographed more to show, but I was concentrating, I don't even know who it's by, but it's great.

After all of that, we then went to the Portsmouth City Museum. It's not so great, but it was free, and at least I can say that I've been now, even if none of the exhibitions interested me. Well, apart from the one about 'hey day' Southsea, but that could have been done a lot better. Sorry, Portsmouth City Museum, but at least you're better than Portsmouth Natural History Museum.

Cheep, cheep.

Phew! Here are a couple of photos of recent stuff I haven't had a chance to put up yet. I hope you will appreciate the two of Moon and I in our brand new University of Portsmouth hoodies and bear in mind that we have been here for three years and Moon is graduating his degree in a month. It's not like we never wanted one, I guess we really are that lazy that we didn't get round to buying them until now. Shameful really. My face is a tiger because it looked stupid.

© All images, Ruth Johnston 2010, except the rice, my sister took that one.

I packed up my bed this afternoon and sent it home with my mum, I have the rest of my room to pack up before I leave Portsmouth for the summer on Saturday. This is probably the quickest that a year has gone by so far.
I have Glastonbury in a couple of weeks, I feel like I should feel privileged to be going because of how golddust the tickets are, I am excited but also a bit nervous, having never been to something on that scale before. With a large supply of wet wipes and toilet roll, I should be cool though.
I feel like this photo should get a mention on here, considering how much I am always blabbering. I am pretty proud of this one, I think I like the framing technique too, I'm probably right in thinking that it only works in this kind of photographic situation though, otherwise it gets a bit dull and unnecessary.

One my favourite photography bloggers, James Mcloughlin says he's giving up trying to be or thinking about being a photographer because he'd rather do things on his own terms, I totally see what he means but he's packing in having a digital SLR and selling his film camera too. You just don't get the same effect with a point-and-shoot as you do with professional equipment, that's why people use them. I hope I still enjoy his work and looking at his blog as much if what he said is true. He probably wouldn't want to be, but he is pretty Nan Goldin, and although I hold a bit of contempt for her having done something so easy but pulling it off so well, I definitely have a place for her.

© James Mcloughlin

And the drumbeat rocked.

These are from a couple of nights ago, I had another dabble in light painting, I got Moon to crash about on his drums and attached my mini 99¢ torches onto the end of his drumsticks. It's basically this idea, except Moon isn't actually playing anything and I'm a bit more colourful/messy, as usual..

© Ruth Johnston 2010.

Phil Colins - In The Air Tonight, © Oliver Silverwood via Public School

Mr Mallon.

I think I've seen this photo in one of my theory lectures, meaning it's probably really old, but I came across it last night and thought it was really interesting. The image was taken using a pinhole camera in a garden, but the photographer left it there and forgot about it for months, the resulting image being light trails of the Sun's movement over the course of the days it was left there.

via, Public School.

Foodtography.

I think I will try some of this, even if I am still not very good at lighting and my plates and tables don't match as well as this girls'. Lovely idea, and a more interesting way to photograph food as well, something that some people who read this may have noticed I enjoy doing. I should definitely try and light any images I take this way better, I think it's one of the keys.

© Liz Fabry via, Recovering Lazyholic

Inspiration. #1

© Anna Fox, 1999-present, from the series, "Back to the Village".

Still going with the costume thing for the editorial project, have a couple of people who have said they would model for me when I need them, I just wish I needed them now rather than later, I feel like I'm behind, despite the fact I know that there are a lot of people who haven't done anything yet.
There is a halfway crit/show on 10th March, nervous(!!!)

Colour Drkrm, take two.

So it seems that my worry about getting back into the colour darkroom was unfounded due to the fact that I'm actually suddenly not too bad at it. Despite the fact that it takes around 2 and a half hours to produce three decent enough prints, I think it's actually pretty fun. It will be really scary to go in there when other people not in my year are in it though, or to be in there on my own, in that situation though, it's just like the normal b&w darkroom and now I know that I know how to do it I can just get on with it.
You soon get used to knocking on every door you encounter and saying 'going out' every 10 minutes.
It still looks like a pretty decent setting for a Saw film though.

I realise these are a bit scuffed but I didn't have any medium format negatives with me so I had to bring in old 35mm ones, which had been hiding at the bottom of a drawer since I got them developed.
I tried to pick images that focused on 'the body', but overall, these images have nothing to do with the kind of photographs I will take for the final brief, although I still have no clue where I am going with that. So the 'St Malo' one was printed in the chemist already, I just wanted to see if I could reproduce it, and it turns out I could, but the other two are from the old 'City Spaces' project from way back in my very first semester, back when darkrooms were daunting. I was a little nervous about going back in seeing as I hadn't used the colour darkroom since the introduction but I remembered everything.

© Ruth Johnston 2010

So, for research into the next shoot I am doing for one of The Body briefs (lol), I have been looking over the Sunday supplements that accompany Sunday newspapers - as we have to shoot an actress/actor/sportsperson - and I came across this:
I almost forgot he existed, I bet he's lived a truly amazing life, I must remember to reference him in my RDB.

© David Bailey, 2009 - The Observer Magazine 21st February 2010.

Interesting fact of the day, according to Facebook, based on use of positive and negative words, the saddest day in Facebook's existence was 22nd January 2008..

Idea for The Body unit.

Putting a bit of Cindy Sherman

Untitled Film Stills #13 (1978)

and, Gillian Wearing into the mix.

Self Portrait (2000)

As well as Sophie Calle.

Les Dormeurs [The Sleepers] (1979)

I hope it's acceptable for me to do this idea, if the exhibition in the Photography department is anything to go by, I can do pretty much anything I want, as long as it relates to portraiture.
I want to shoot on film as well as on digital for this one, so I hope they give us enough time to do so.

As I mentioned in a blog from a while ago, I'm going to try and base this project on dressing up as well as similarities within a group of people without realisation.
I just jotted this down so I thought writing this might force me to be a bit more coherent so I can get right into it when we are given the brief in February.
Subjects
Close friends, as well as members of my family and perhaps people I don't know that well from University. I am also willing to photograph myself to explore how similar the people I surround myself with are to me.
Environment
This is a grey area at the moment, I'm considering having a box filled with dressing up costumes so it would probably be more practical to have my subjects come to my house rather than carry the box round everywhere all the time. As well as practically, aesthetically to have the subjects in the same space would emphasise either the similarities or differences, depending on the result.
Technicalities
I will photograph subjects individually so no one will know what the other has chosen, placing myself in the role of subject as well as others.
There will be a limited amount of clothing/costume to choose from so similarities are inevitable but it is encouraged that each subject makes their 'alter-ego' their own.
Probably photographed in a dead-pan style so as not take focus away from what is going on in the images visually.
Perhaps accompany each image with text, quoting why they chose to be photographed this way.
The project may culminate in everyone being photographed together to demonstrate to the subject who they are similar to and also to get a surreal exaggerated image of everyone dressed up to end the series.

I'm literally in love with this idea, I just hope my friends are willing to be models for me, it's not hard and they would be choosing how they would be represented so if it turned out badly, I can't be blamed.
The three women above are to be used as initial influences due to their links to fakery and truth in their images, Gillian Wearing in particular due to the straight-on, dead-pan style demonstrated in her 'Self-Portrait' series as well as her willingness to accept subjects into her space and let them do what they want (Drunk, 2000).